USA Election 2008 - My pointless coverage

It's been a hell of ride. Many months of mud slinging, smearing and general ridiculousness. But now the wild campaign torpedo is primed to hit and America's future will be decided. I say America's future, perhaps I mean the whole of western civilisation's. Much hangs in the balance. Their national integrity is lost and America's reputation as a standing symbol for freedom, liberty and sanity is tarnished. The economic disaster of the last few months acted as Bush's final finger in our face. His swan song was a tuneless one. But now, they have the chance to put it all behind them.
It is with great anxiety that I settle down to track the final minutes. To me the choice is obvious. McCain never bothered me as much as my adversaries. That was until he played the Palin card. That sealed it. But to our friends across the Atlantic, who have surprised us before, it is apparently not so case closed. Other 'extremely important things' play in how they choose a candidate. Yes, 'extremely important things' such as Christian morals, elitism, was he a druggie, how nice his tie is, does his name rhyme with Osama? IMPORTANT THINGS! It's tricky.
Oh Jesus, this is going to be a nervous night. The BBC can never be trusted, as well you know. I can already feel my lungs heavy from increased smoking. My right leg will be dancing the Charleston after all the coffee I'm going to drink. But it must go on. My faith in America and its place on the list of countries-I'd-like-to-go-back-to might be lost forever. Let's get this over with.

11:40pm - It begins, and already in true BBC 24 fashion, there is a lot of faff. Because the camera never rests, relentlessly projecting images in the hope of up-to-date news, the broadcasters jump through hoops to try and keep the viewer occupied. It would seem the actual event isn't interesting enough for us. Flashing maps and CG effects seem to do the trick, or so they think. It's actually an arsenal on the senses and an exhausting one at that.
"I'm going to have to stop you there! We have John Simpson Live in Chicago!"
Holy shit!
"There's a real sense of excitement here!" he says, in an exited way of course. He should know I guess, he's covered stacks of American elections before.
"What do you think?"
"What do you think senator?"
"What do you think?"
Get on with it damn it!

11:48pm - Some intriguing poll results scrolling here and there. 61% don't think McCain will lower taxes. Distrust this late in the game (and yes, it is a game) is not good.
What the fuck? "Obamachinno"?!? Sigh. Only in America.
Now we get to see a few republican's trying to keep cool and remain calm. Trying to do both at the same time is difficult. "He's got experience" they say of McCain. "I think he'll win" says another. All this is said with fixed smiles. Remember, you're on TV and, as such, you can be easily stereotyped. But these hard core supporters don’t look, visually at least, like the square headed Reagan lovers of old.
Back to the big map of colour! This all must be a massive undertaking for the country. Each state is equal to the size of England, comparatively. No wonder the political mood is so erratically insane in America.

12:00am - "And so here we have the first state call" David Dimbleby seems hopelessly bored by all this. Perhaps he’s been at the gin already and is trying to forget that closing hours have just gone.
Kentucky goes to McCain. Vermont goes for Obama. McCain's on 8 points, Obama's on 3, 270 points to win, it's like a video game! Thinking that way it feels odd to call it 'winning'. Is the white house a bonus level I wonder?
Plenty of wank about race issues again, allowing the Beeb to fill time. Blah Blah…
Wow, minorities form 41% of the population of America. I think the phrase "All American" doesn't apply anymore, thank God. Frankly, it never did. The country was built by others.
The Republican representatives in the studio respond to the current results: "We're winning, we're winning... giggle giggle!" The tone is half assed.
"The economy is the number one issue". This aspect could make or break Obama. Will his policies stand up and will it secure a victory?
Random Question: What happens to the Patriot Act after all this?

12:16am - A brief word with Ricky Gervais. He relates his initial apathy for the race that turned into an addictive quality, but then has to answer an unfortunate question about who Brent would vote for. Scowls and cut away...
Here come the hoards over the hill to witness the upcoming elected's speech. One or two look like they're really struggling to make it to the barrier. It's almost biblical.
Praise for Obama beating Hilary "in a fair fight". Hilary’s back on the cocaine this evening.

12:30am - "What do you read into that?" says David. What do you read into what? It’s hard to answer when you have a huge delay in the result. Consistently live TV produces many mistakes, and with a terrible earnesty in trying to get information it often trips over itself.

12:37am - Still no results. Cue horrendous stalling and blibber bladdar. Speculations are flying all over the place like popcorn that defies the laws of time.
We get a pre-emptive interview with McCain on his campaign plane. His wife smiles fakely while he looks either tired as hell or visibly spooked. The guy looks troubled.
Some poor reporter attempts to talk over a band spilling out the Beatles at one of the main Republican conventions. Maybe she's put off by how bad their cover of "Eight Days of Week" is. History has shown that Republicans don’t choose their music too well.

12:49am - Helpful anti-commie sentiment. "Castro wants Obama to win." Cigars all round if he does however.

12:52am - McCain holds South Carolina the devious fuck. At least he's against torture, something that America has evilly resurrected over recent years. So, it’s 16 to 3 and I get a sudden headache. If McCain wins I’m definitely not going to work tomorrow. I’ll hide in my room for several days, under the blankets.
Conrad, a fellow tenant in my house, makes a good point: The rich states, such as Maine, have all voted democrat. McCain’s outreach to the poor obviously hit home.

1:00am - Pennsylvania goes blue followed by New Hampshire and the BBC play a cheer from the crowd, and bam! Illinois and District of Columbia joins in. Democrats are bouncing on their beds. There are monosyllabic noises of pleasure. New Jersey becomes gives in to the peer pressure and gives Obama an extra 15 points. On 103 to Obama and 34 to McCain I can safely call it a night, only to wake up later and check the final result.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

4:03am - Such dedication. I awake to an intense and still uncertain atmosphere. Fearing the worse I clamber down the stairs to witness the Obamanian hoards screeching in ecstasy, waving flags like a religious mist has descended. Jesus, grown men are crying. “It's over!” I hear Conrad shout. And indeed it is. At this point, Obama has exceeded the 270 mark leaving McCain in the dust. His figures continue to count up. Florida and California was the key here, there’s no doubt about it.

4:09am - A gracious and respectable speech by McCain. His thoughts about the Republicans being dealt a heavy blow from the beginning of the race appear quite accurate. The liberal media lapped all the liquid Obama up. The hype was infectious and was always something that I tried to take with a general sense of objectiveness. Personally, McCain never really had very much control on his campaign. Some of his supporters were off the wall with their accusations of terrorism and supposed ethnicity. His original positive message was eventually clouded at the end by cheap and desperate slander. Obama’s campaign was like a gentle but relentless spinning wheel, with only minor bumps in its way he remained positive and focused. Now, in retrospect, it was like a work of art.

4:30am - Obama’s final speech is pretty self explanatory and I’m sure you’d already have seen it by the time I post this, so I won’t bore you like the BBC would. At present, the atmosphere is one of happy mania. Obama’s message is clear and impassioned but the bullet-proof glass that surrounds his stage acts as almost an omen. “It’s your victory!” he says. Even if you argue that his message of change and hope is contrived, you have to admit that America needs it. It’s time to get back to greatness, and not the kind of greatness in wealth and power, but great in mind and soul. Freedom is no longer a brand name. Greed and corruption evaporate. The era of the Bush is over.

I breath a deep sigh of relief. For now it seems things could get better. But time will tell. Obama has an incredibly taxing few months ahead. His movements will be monitored closely. He must, MUST, fulfil his promises or disaster will ensue. We could see the dawning of a beautiful and exciting new age for America, or we could we witnessing the first steps to chaos and possible collapse. As long as the positive, foundational ethic refuses to fade, I’m confident of the former.

Some campaign soundtrack moments that stood out for me during the night:
“We won’t get fooled again” – The Who
“Changes” – David Bowie
“Ceremony” – Joy Division